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Post by Cromwell on May 11, 2020 7:46:03 GMT
I went to order some food from our new take away last night It was an Eskimo Take Away The menu was very restricted, All dishes were made up of Whale meat. All except the last one which was called "Vera Lynn Special" I asked what was the Vera Lynn Special "Whale meat again!" was the reply
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Post by Baldie on May 11, 2020 16:06:25 GMT
Try as I may I did chuckle
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Post by jdesmond on May 11, 2020 19:35:31 GMT
A few years back, there were these three brothers who went down to Texas and started a cattle ranch. They got good land and good stock, and after a while they started doing really well. Only one problem they had... ...A Texas ranch has to have a grand and suitable name, but they couldn't decide, each of the brothers had a great idea for a name, and each insisted on his own. So the middle brother finally said, "Let's invite Father to see our place, and have him decide on the name for it." So they sent their father the tickets, picked him up at the station, showed him all around the spread, had a prime rib from one of their own steers, with all the trimmings, for dinner... And as they cleared the dishes and poured the coffee, they said "We've got a disagreement here, we need you to solve it for us." "Why am I not surprised ?" (chuckle) So, the younger and the middle and the older brother each spoke their piece, with contributions from their wives. And when they'd all finished, Father drained his coffee cup, stroked his chin, and said, "Boys, I'm really proud of you. I thought this was a crazy idea back then, but you've made this into something great. Now, this place deserves an appropriate name, and you've all got very good ideas, but if you asked me, I would call this Focus." "Focus"  ? "Sure. Focus. It's where the sons raise meat."
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Post by Cromwell on May 12, 2020 8:01:50 GMT
Oh my! And they thought my jokes were bad!
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Post by jeffreythancock on May 12, 2020 13:59:02 GMT
Enjoy them all! My kids call these "Dad jokes". Oh my! And they thought my jokes were bad!
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Post by jdesmond on May 14, 2020 0:23:40 GMT
Salutations !
Heard this today. I'm not sure if this makes sense in British English...
Q: What's a Metric Cookie ?
A: A gram cracker
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Post by sheffmark on May 14, 2020 7:44:07 GMT
I went to order some food from our new take away last night It was an Eskimo Take Away The menu was very restricted, All dishes were made up of Whale meat. All except the last one which was called "Vera Lynn Special" I asked what was the Vera Lynn Special "Whale meat again!" was the reply Talking of Eskimo's: Two Eskimo's were out fishing in their boat. One them says, "It's a bit cold isn't it?" "Yes" says the other, "I know, we'll light a fire to keep us warm." So he gets a nice fire going. Unfortunately the fire burns a hole in the bottom of the boat and it sinks. Which just goes to prove You can't have your kayak and heat it! Thank you Tim Vine!
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Post by Cromwell on May 14, 2020 8:05:06 GMT
What type of criminal is the strongest?
A Shoplifter!
Why does time fly so fast?
Because people keep trying to kill it!
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Post by goragrad on May 14, 2020 10:44:38 GMT
On that theme Cromwell -
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana...
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Post by scottrussell on May 17, 2020 10:34:17 GMT
Salutations ! Heard this today. I'm not sure if this makes sense in British English... Q: What's a Metric Cookie ? A: A gram cracker No, not in the slightest. But I like to think I'm a learning lad. Feel free to enlighten me! Scott
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