Warning!! Don't eat dog food!

...and while we are on the subject of doggies, I’d like to present you with a poem.

The Doggies Meeting

The doggies had a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came by motor-cycle,
Some came by motor-car.
Each doggy passed the entrance,
Each doggy signed the book,
Each doggy unhitched its ass-hole,
And hung it on a hook.

Now one doggy was not invited,
And madly filled with ire,
He ran into the hall room,
And loudly bellowed “Fire!”
Each doggy then did panic,
And in their flight they took,
Each other's hanging ass-hole,
From off another hook.

That’s the reason why sir,
When walking down the street,
That’s the reason why sir,
When doggies chance to meet,
That’s the reason why sir,
On land, or sea, or foam,
They sniff each other's ass-hole,
To see if it's their own.

Talking about my days in the police, I was on foot patrol once when I came across a chap walking down the road with a penguin on a lead. I asked him where he got the penguin from. He stated he had found it in the park. I told him to take it straight to the zoo.

Next day I saw the guy again, still with the penguin
"I told you to take that penguin to the zoo" I said
"I did" He replied, "And he enjoyed it so much I am taking him to the museum now!"

This is a true story from my RAF days.
It occurred during a time of heightened security in North Africa, Libya I believe.
There was a recreational event on the sports field. The field was adjacent to the perimeter fence and access was via an internal gate which had to open to facilitate equipment being taken into the field.
An airman was stationed at the gate. His normal role was in the administration section. Obviously front line duties were not his thing.
Looking bewildered he rather in my opinion unwisely asks the RAF Regiment Sergeant what was he supposed to be doing.
The Sergeant placed a Fatherly hand on the young airmans shoulder and with his other hand indicated to the distant horizon.
"Do you see that wood there lad?" He asks "That's it, the one on the hill just below the horizon"
The lad confirmed he did.
"well" Said the Sergeant, "If you see 70,000 screaming Arabs emerge from that wood, running at full tilt towards you, SHUT THE BLOODY GATE!"

My turn...

Little Red Riding Hood, in her red cloak with a basket of food under her arm, is skipping merrily along the forest path.
Suddenly she sees a bush with two long brown ears poking out of it.
So she stops, looks, and says “I can see you Mr Wolf. You can’t hide from me”
The big bad wolf stands up, growls at her, and slopes off into the woods in a bad mood.

She continues to skip along the path when she comes across another bush with two yellow eyes poking out of it.
So she stops, looks, and says “I can see you Mr Wolf. You can’t hide from me”
The big bad wolf stands up, growls at her, and stomps off into the woods, angrily knocking the branches off the trees.

She continues to skip along the path when she comes across yet another bush, this time with a big brown bushy tail poking out of it.
So she stops, looks, and says “I can see you Mr Wolf. You can’t hide from me”
The big bad wolf stands up and demands “Look little girl, who the hell are you”
“I’m Little Red Riding Hood” she replies, “off to see my granny, and I know all about big bad wolves like you”
“Well” says the wolf, “why don’t you sod off home and let me have a crap in peace!”

Sadly that is not confined to the US. I came across similar incidents when in the Police Service. And that was many years ago in what were supposed to be prosperous times, well before the current austerity.